That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
