70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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