She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
