We won't sleep together?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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