party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
