I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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