Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
