My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
