we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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