I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
