And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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