AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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