i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
