I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She's not a foreskin expert like you
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
