hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
