It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
