Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
