Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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