OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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