The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
