remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This is my gift to your gina
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
