You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
