you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
