If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
