This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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