maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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