Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
