i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
