dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
