Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
