I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
