I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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