I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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