i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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