I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
