So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
