i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
