True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i believe in u and ur pee
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
