For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
