I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize