I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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