she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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