I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
