I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
