first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
