He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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