arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
