Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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