i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
