I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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