He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
