with your own penis?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
only you would photoshop your dick
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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