so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
