I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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