Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
