Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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