well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
