The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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