I just pynch a tree in the face
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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