I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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