i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
