need another drink. this is the easiest way
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
