i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
