Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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