the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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