apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize