You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
