i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
