You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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