I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
