Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
