Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
