she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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