So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
send nudes
from the living room?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
